From the parents and players on Connor's team

As I got to Connor's first big football scrimmage, I was reminded of my upbringing. We were out in Chisago Lake MN. And as I drove out there it brought back memories. All white, very homogeneous and very competitive. Not very friendly. That is where I grew up in Minnesota and it does not bring back good memories. I was always or almost always the only one and that is why my kids grew up in the city where being a child of color is not an anomoly but a way of life. Connor's team is white, black, latino and multiracial. The parents and the kids come from all walks of life. We are brown, black, white and in between! And we were good!!!

We were the only inner city team at the scrimmage. The fields were beautiful, the teams were 60 kids deep and we had only 22 on our freshman squad and not much more on JV or Varisity. While our kids were at first initimidated by all the parents, team jersey's, bags, stuff because we were out there and clearly looked like we did not belong...poor, multicultural and our bench was slim...And we won every game! We showed that what you have and how you present is not more important than the heart you have, how hungry you are and how good, black male leadership in the coaches can make all the difference in the world. After the games the coach talked to the kids and he thanked the parents for being there. He told the kids that no matter what you have, and how deep your team is, it does make up for having heart and playing as a family! There are only 11 players on the field at one time and all of them need to have heart! It was exactly what football, team sports and bonding should be. It is not about what you have in your material possession but what you have as a young man, who comes from little or nothing but holds his head high and moves ahead!

I also learned from the mothers on the team that when you love your sons that even though we do not come from "traditional family" backgrounds when we come, we love, we respect and are proud of our kids, we can make a difference. I also learned from the fathers on the team that you, yes all you men, matter as much if not more than all the love we mothrs can give and those kids with fathers present were so proud and confident, our kids need and deserve both! So a special shout out to the men and fathers in our community who showed up. Showing up is half the battle!!!

When inner city schools work, they prove that being truly multicultural can work, and we as parents show that even though our kids come from so many different backgrounds we can move together as one and succeed! You will be hard pressed to find more dedicated, open and loving parents and yes god damn it...we live in the city!!!I am proud to be part of something so big and yet so simple!

You never know what you have until it is gone

I have not blogged for months. Of course it is not that I have not learned anything it is about whether what I have learned can help anyone. As we begin a new school year and I see my son Connor, who is autistic, go out for football having never played I again learn a valuable lesson. We who are "normal" are always looking for what is around the corner. Or someone to give us permission to be us, then we take that and run with it, whether it is the right thing to do or not. We do not let our inner selves drive what we know is right. We over think and/or make justifications because we so want approval. We want someone to validate who we are. But we need to go with what we feel and when those who say they love us, do not support us, then we need to let them go. Connor lets his heart and determination drive what he wants to do. He sets his mind based on how he feels and then he does not let what others think or do affect how he pursues his goals.

His brother and I have let our pasts dictate who we are in our future. And we try to believe that when those who love us hurt us, they did not really mean it. Connor looks at the world in black and white and he always goes with what he sees not what he hopes to see. When we are young that is the way we see the world. However, as we grow older we actually create filters from reality based on what we want to see. As lawyers we learn that there are no right or wrong answers only good arguments.

However, in real life, there are right and wrong answers. And hopefully you figure that out before that thing, or opportunity, or person is gone. You never know what you have until you lose it, hopefully you never have to experience true loss because you did not see what was standing right before you.