As I sit in here in a very privileged position, every holiday season reminds me of how lucky I am and how much I have to offer! But it also reminds me how much I have been given and how it is only by the grace of some God some where that I'm here. As one of my post discussed, I was adopted by a wonderful African American family and given access to things that I would never had access to, like a great education, stable living environment, opportunities to travel and go to college and most importantly, the opporunity to be me, without the poverty and struggles my biological family dealt with. You see I was given up for adoption at birth, and I was the only one given up for adoption, and in 1965 when I was born, there were not a lot of African American families adopting children in Minnesota, particularly children who were bi-racial(a new term, I always considered myself black). The reason I know all of this is because my biological family found me several years ago, and I have many brothers and sisters who grew up here, in St. Paul with each other.
I also realized from a very young age that I was blessed to be with my parents, not because they were perfect or my childhood was different from the friends...it was because my childhood was similar to my friends and we were not "different" except for the color of our skin and the culture inside our home, which was different from our neighbors.
As I continue to grow every day with every interaction, I remember both the good and the pain. The pain of losing my sister, Lori, at age 40 two days before Christmas, 3years ago, when she was only 39. Then the pain of losing my best friend and advocate, my father, Perry, only 6 months later. He died of a broken heart. That year, and every holiday since then, is a reminder that nothing is promised to us tomorrow, not even our last breath, so we should live our lives today as if tomorrow is our last, so that we treat each person, and every community and those that we love with deference and respect no matter where they fit in the social hiearchy! Because I know that my biological mother, died at age 46 and my biological father, never learned to read and write, but they produced me, a lawyer, a mother, a daughter, a friend and a good citizen. So what could someone like me do if given a chance...
Please give something that keeps on giving this holiday season, a donation to a charity of your choice, your time at the homeless shelter or food for the food shelf. Because all people deserve dignity at this time of year, if not every time of year, but this time in particular, when it is so easy to get caught up in the "team of me" that we forget how I, can become we and how we can make a difference.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
From my Law Students Every Friday Night
Every Friday night at 6:30 pm when the rest of the students and my colleagues are either on their way home or out for dinner or to see a movie, my students come to see me. Now, that does not have to do totally with me, my class Race & the Law allows them to fill an important requirement in their legal education. But just like everything, they did not have to choose my class, on that night with this subject but they did. And I learn so much from them every time I stand before them.
First, I learn that I do not know everything and that their perspective and life experiences can bring as much richness to the class as they allow. I also re-live the complicated sometimes insane place they are in...
I also learn that they care about the legal profession that they are entering and they open themselves up in way I think many of them never expected.
Why? Because we cover topics that most people accross cultures never even broach...like "what does it mean to be White in America?" And why does it make some of them feel uncomfortable about the term "White people" because they do not think in the collective. They also have to reflect on how our legal system and their legal education positioned them to deal with the real life issues of poverty, racism, privilege, if at all? How do we define all those things and why does it matter?
My students look at the development of the concept of race. And they choose to grapple with questions of interracial adoption, enviromental racism and affirmative action. They do not just parrot back the law and someone elses analysis, they have to own the topic and reflect on it week after week. And then present it their peers!
These are topics that many of them have thought about but have not analyzed or grappled with in a truly academic way. And most importantly they are asked the hard questions...like so what do you do about any of it? And what is your personal responsibility? Can anyone really be objective about the tough issues and those tough conversations? And most importantly objective from who's point of view!
Ultimately, they must begin with a look at their own bias and how that affects how they see the law, their clients and their peers. And then they must work through and analyze what that means about them! Are you a racist if you believe in being White and the ethnic heritage that comes with that? Do you as a White person ever have to really think about being white? Or isn't that the definition of being White?
How do you get past shame and blame to have a constructive discussion about White Privilege? How often have you had to even think of that during your law school education?
Often times when we look in the mirror, myself included, we do not always see what we want. I hope, however, that when someone leaves my class for good they are now more conscious of themselves and thus of others. Only then can we move past the stereotypes and on to true understanding...only then will we find the true unexpected joys found by interacting with each other from positions of mutual respect and understanding...call me optimistic...but isn't that all we truly have to hold to...
First, I learn that I do not know everything and that their perspective and life experiences can bring as much richness to the class as they allow. I also re-live the complicated sometimes insane place they are in...
I also learn that they care about the legal profession that they are entering and they open themselves up in way I think many of them never expected.
Why? Because we cover topics that most people accross cultures never even broach...like "what does it mean to be White in America?" And why does it make some of them feel uncomfortable about the term "White people" because they do not think in the collective. They also have to reflect on how our legal system and their legal education positioned them to deal with the real life issues of poverty, racism, privilege, if at all? How do we define all those things and why does it matter?
My students look at the development of the concept of race. And they choose to grapple with questions of interracial adoption, enviromental racism and affirmative action. They do not just parrot back the law and someone elses analysis, they have to own the topic and reflect on it week after week. And then present it their peers!
These are topics that many of them have thought about but have not analyzed or grappled with in a truly academic way. And most importantly they are asked the hard questions...like so what do you do about any of it? And what is your personal responsibility? Can anyone really be objective about the tough issues and those tough conversations? And most importantly objective from who's point of view!
Ultimately, they must begin with a look at their own bias and how that affects how they see the law, their clients and their peers. And then they must work through and analyze what that means about them! Are you a racist if you believe in being White and the ethnic heritage that comes with that? Do you as a White person ever have to really think about being white? Or isn't that the definition of being White?
How do you get past shame and blame to have a constructive discussion about White Privilege? How often have you had to even think of that during your law school education?
Often times when we look in the mirror, myself included, we do not always see what we want. I hope, however, that when someone leaves my class for good they are now more conscious of themselves and thus of others. Only then can we move past the stereotypes and on to true understanding...only then will we find the true unexpected joys found by interacting with each other from positions of mutual respect and understanding...call me optimistic...but isn't that all we truly have to hold to...
Saturday, November 7, 2009
From being a Half-Caste
Well, I am not really a half-caste so I do not intend to insult any of the Aboriginal people of Australia by claiming a history which is not my own. But I was so moved after watching the movies the Rabbit Fence and then the movie Australia that I had to write. Being half black and half white myself and searching for most of my life for a place to belong that wants me to belong...without question or conditions was the central question posed by the key Aborginal characters in these movies. B
Both movies are about the Aboriginal women in Australia who were forced by white settlers to mate giving birth to mixed race children. These children, just like me, would be taken from their biological mothers...because they were mixed race and society did not know what to do with them.
During the early 1900's until 1970 mixed race children were taken from their Aboriginal mothers and brought to mission schools to be trained for jobs in the homes of white people. They were not only brought to the mission to learn these jobs but those who were light enough were then bred with white men for the express purpose of breading out of this race of children the black in them. These schools were sanctioned by the government and the children who were taken from their mothers became known as the Stolen Generation.
Since I was taken at birth from my mother(white)and I came to find out I was her first mixed race child, it really hit home. Was I taken because she was unfit or because I was mixed race in 1965 and my mother had 6 other children before me who were white? Did it matter that it was clearly outlined in my adoption papers that my mother was a "white women who was considered very attractive" and my father "a negro of light complexion"?
In both the movies and in my life, the mixed race children fought for a place in one society or the other and felt very strongly about their ties to their black side. In The Rabbit Fence, the young girls gut wrenching fight to belong to what she knew no matter what and her continued fight to return home to her people really struck me. Have I been running to return home, or to even determine what that home is?
In the movie Australia, the young boy says often, "I not white, I not black, I half caste and belong to no where". Unfortunely, this is often how I feel about being mixed race.
There is such an important part of being tied to ones history and being tied to that history in a way where that history wants to be tied to you. Growing up with Parents who chose me was important to me.And being adopted by Black parents cemented where I thought I belonged. But still there is a place deep inside most people that says I am part of something bigger, part of history and a community that is connected through shared experiences that can be passed down and appreciated because they are inherently part of you. This is a feeling and way of being that is part of most people unconsciously and thus truly a privilege that most people do not even know they have. But I know they have it, my kids know they have and unless you are Half-caste and understand the void of that feeling you probably don't know you have it. If you are mixed race you will have to search deep within you to understand that not all belonging comes from outside but from within. And understanding and accepting that premise is the key to peace.
Growing up always being the outsider, in my own community, in the dominant community and in almost all that I do makes me focus on the skills that comes with living in many worlds and understanding that if I have to rely on the outside world for acceptance then I will always be unhappy. While I could be all the ethnicities people have assumed I am...Puerto Rican, Morrocan, Arab etc...I am me, a proud Black women living in multiple worlds with multiple possibilities.
Both movies are about the Aboriginal women in Australia who were forced by white settlers to mate giving birth to mixed race children. These children, just like me, would be taken from their biological mothers...because they were mixed race and society did not know what to do with them.
During the early 1900's until 1970 mixed race children were taken from their Aboriginal mothers and brought to mission schools to be trained for jobs in the homes of white people. They were not only brought to the mission to learn these jobs but those who were light enough were then bred with white men for the express purpose of breading out of this race of children the black in them. These schools were sanctioned by the government and the children who were taken from their mothers became known as the Stolen Generation.
Since I was taken at birth from my mother(white)and I came to find out I was her first mixed race child, it really hit home. Was I taken because she was unfit or because I was mixed race in 1965 and my mother had 6 other children before me who were white? Did it matter that it was clearly outlined in my adoption papers that my mother was a "white women who was considered very attractive" and my father "a negro of light complexion"?
In both the movies and in my life, the mixed race children fought for a place in one society or the other and felt very strongly about their ties to their black side. In The Rabbit Fence, the young girls gut wrenching fight to belong to what she knew no matter what and her continued fight to return home to her people really struck me. Have I been running to return home, or to even determine what that home is?
In the movie Australia, the young boy says often, "I not white, I not black, I half caste and belong to no where". Unfortunely, this is often how I feel about being mixed race.
There is such an important part of being tied to ones history and being tied to that history in a way where that history wants to be tied to you. Growing up with Parents who chose me was important to me.And being adopted by Black parents cemented where I thought I belonged. But still there is a place deep inside most people that says I am part of something bigger, part of history and a community that is connected through shared experiences that can be passed down and appreciated because they are inherently part of you. This is a feeling and way of being that is part of most people unconsciously and thus truly a privilege that most people do not even know they have. But I know they have it, my kids know they have and unless you are Half-caste and understand the void of that feeling you probably don't know you have it. If you are mixed race you will have to search deep within you to understand that not all belonging comes from outside but from within. And understanding and accepting that premise is the key to peace.
Growing up always being the outsider, in my own community, in the dominant community and in almost all that I do makes me focus on the skills that comes with living in many worlds and understanding that if I have to rely on the outside world for acceptance then I will always be unhappy. While I could be all the ethnicities people have assumed I am...Puerto Rican, Morrocan, Arab etc...I am me, a proud Black women living in multiple worlds with multiple possibilities.
Friday, November 6, 2009
from my autistic son
As I sat at schools conferences last night at our inner city junior high and I heard all the things that my sons teachers had to say I realized how lucky I was to have my autistic son in my life...he teaches everyone around him what is really important, whether they want to know or not! And his brutal honesty and openness may take some people by surprise and even may even cause dicomfort but that discomfort is always with them and never with him. I learned that he loves geography, he is a leader in his sign language class and that his teachers are as surprised as I am by what obtacles he overcomes everyday. I learned that patience, true kindness and true honor come from within. And the fact that he is proud to be autistic and proud to have me as his mom and proud to have his niece who is only 6 months and born to his brother who is only 18 years old is humbling. Because he doesn't care what others think, he only cares that he is doing the right things, at the right time and for the right reasons. And more importantly he does them without malice or ill will. I think that if we could take a little of what he gives without judging the vessle that it comes in, we could all be better people...
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